Confession Time:

It seems that lately my life has been getting more complicated, and I want to thank those of you who are brave enough to still associate with me regardless of what I am today.

 

I was born white, which makes me a racist.

 

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which makes me a fascist.

 

I am heterosexual, which makes me a homophobe.

 

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

 

I am a Christian, which makes me an infidel.

 

I am older than 60 which makes me a useless old person.

I am a Veteran, therefore this makes me more dangerous to our nation than ISIS!

 

I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which makes me a reactionary or conspiracy theorist.

 

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.

 

I value my safety and that of my family; therefore I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

 

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which makes me anti-social.

 

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all citizens, which makes me a militant.

Please help me come to terms with this, because I‘m not sure who I am anymore!

 

Newest problem, considering our current state of politics – I'm not sure which bathroom I should use.